Lately I have been worried that time will run away with me so this morning, whilst Ellie partook in her 3 hour morning nap, I sat down and planned out my PhD from now until submission.
I found this to be a scary task. Since beginning my PhD last year, I have had 2018 (my proposed date for submission) in my head, and it has always felt so far away and unreal. Seeing the next 4 years in a colourful (couldn’t help myself, I’m a creative person!) gant chart, made 2018 seem not so far after all. Even scarier was the fact that it dawned on me that we will probably have our second child before I submit my work. This then factored into the gant chart, and I soon found myself planning the date of conception to ensure I wouldn’t be preparing for my viva with a newborn.
This is when I realised that perhaps the planning had gone too far! I suddenly felt like my life was being organised into these thin lines, and I must admit I panicked. Work wise I need clear goals and I need to know where my career is heading. But I have to remind myself to also live my life to its fullest. One thing I have learned from working with people with dementia is to value living in the moment.
With regards to my PhD I have now planned out my work for each month for the next 4 years, this is obviously a working document subject to change, but for me it is a security blanket.
Whereas who knows where my life in general will take me, and maybe I need to see the adventure in this. If I can learn one thing since the arrival of our daughter, it should be to treasure those precious moments spent with friends and family. Years from now I don’t want to look back on these days regretting the times I spent planning our future and missing out on living in the here and now. Maybe there’s a New Years resolution in there.